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Fair Exchange

     In all healthy relationships there must be a fair exchange. Nothing is free. When a man buys dinner what does he get in exchange?

     I overheard a friend of mine, a woman, talking to her daughter one day. I was shocked at what I heard. She was telling her daughter that men were only out for one thing. Not So! (See Secret No. 2) So I asked my friend some questions. I found out that she thought that when a man bought dinner he was paying for the woman's company. I was shocked! This, to me, is prostituting one's self. I asked her who then pays for the man's company. She couldn't answer. She had never looked at it that way. I was shocked that this is how she had been brought up and it was then that I found out that a lot of girls were brought up this way. It is no wonder that men have a problem and why women do not respect them.

     If you get something for free, you do not respect it like you would if you had to work for it. Men should not give their money away for free. There needs to be fair exchange. If the woman has no intention of going out with the man again maybe she should pay for her share of the date including gas for the car. If a man is always buying for a woman and not getting fair exchange then he will get no respect from that woman. She will use him. She is using him. It also goes the other way around. If the woman is always doing things for the man and not getting her fair exchange or respect. You need to set the exchange limits early in a relationship so that it doesn't get lopsided. If you do something for him, be sure he does something for you and vice a versa. See the section on Barriers and Limitations.

     In earning respect a man must demand his fair due. If he doesn't, he will be used and abused. A woman who wants to win a man's heart should not take advantage of a man who is nice and has been brought up to pay for everything. She should somehow put in her exchange.

     Exchange is not always in monetary means. It can come in many forms like just being kind, courteous and respectful. Giving understanding even when you don't really understand. Forgiving, even when a man does something terribly wrong, because you know deep down he is a good person. Not taking advantage of his good nature or his kindness. A lot of men want to pay for everything because it's a matter of pride but they still want fair exchange. A woman should never feel, though, that sex is the exchange. The only proper exchange for sex is sex, if you get my meaning. In other words you give yourself to a man and he gives himself to you. A woman should not think that a man owes her something just because she has had sex with him. It is a mutual agreement. A woman needs to take responsibility for that and if it comes to birth control and who should be responsible for it then it should be discussed before the act happens. Don't try and trap a man with sex. It doesn't work. It's the wrong kind of force on a man and he will just resent you for it and problems will arise and the relationship will be doomed. So somehow keep your exchange in so that you have a right not to feel obligated. Let him know that his generosity is appreciated and tell him, when he buys you gifts, not to unless it's your birthday or Christmas. Tell him it makes you feel like he's trying to buy your affections. The best thing to do is to get him to read "3 Secrets to a Woman's Heart" so he will understand.

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